That’s what most surveys and quizzes seem to think…
I’ve been having a conversation with one of my subscribers on Substack about how difficult is to find helpful information about how to best shift using your body and mind as you age into your 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s and beyond. I wrote this article for my Substack newsletter, The New Old, but I thought it might be helpful to post it here, too, since I know not everyone is on Substack.
The problem we discussed is that most surveys, quizzes and articles about healthy living divide their advice and questions by decade until they get to 60 or 65, and then they just say “Over 60″,” or “65+” — implying that everyone over 60 or 65 is exactly the same.
A Recent Example
I found an article in one of the most widely-read US newspapers about “how to assess your fitness at any age.” It was a well-designed interactive online article that offered 5 self-tests you could take and then note your results to see how you stacked up against your age peers.
The main problem? The age categories were 20–30, 30–40, 40–50, 50–60, and then “60+.” When I took the tests, it told me my results were above average for “women in my age group,” implying that the same result would be above average for a woman of 62, 75, 83, or…100? Seems ridiculous, right?
In fact, I’ve found that my physical condition is changing more quickly now than when I was younger. For instance, I’d say that my results wouldn’t have been much different when I was 43 than when I was 30 – but my results now, at 73, are definitely different than they would have been at 60. I’m fortunate to be in very good health, but I notice that my strength, balance, and flexibility are all somewhat less than they were 10 or 15 years ago. It’s not terrible, and I’m working on it–but it’s a change.
One of the resulting problems with this “how to stay fit at any age” article was that it proposed no modifications of any kind to the physical tasks suggested. For example, one of the tests involved doing “burpees.” As you may know, this exercise involves squatting, thrusting your legs backward in a jumping motion to a plank position, doing a full push-up, jumping your legs back to a squat position, and then quickly standing upright. It’s a very good conditioning exercise – but only if you don’t have problems with your knees, hips, or shoulders. Even if you don’t have specific problems, for most older people, it puts a lot of unnecessary stress on those joints; there are better ways to get the same conditioning without the stress.
So…How Do We Modify?
It’s irritating that we, as older people, don’t have better support for modifying our approach to various aspects of our lives as we age. Learning to modify is a key capability for having a great later life. It’s so critical (and so under-addressed) that I’ve included a whole chapter on it in The New Old, but I thought it would be helpful to give you a brief overview here, as well.
This skill consists of being able to recognize when something needs modifying (from your exercise routine, to how you approach work, to eating habits, to relationships, to medical support); figuring out how to modify it in a way and to an extent that works for you; getting whatever support or agreement you need from others; and then making the modification without giving yourself a hard time about it.
- Recognize the need to modify. Seeing ourselves clearly is very hard. We often have a distorted sense of our skills and capabilities (the awful manager who thinks she’s great, the talented musician who thinks he’s no good), and it’s true when it comes to our aging minds and bodies as well. For instance, an avid tennis player might notice that as she ages into her 70s, playing tennis is getting much harder on her joints and muscles, and she just doesn’t react or recuperate as fast…but she’s likely to either dismiss it and keep going, or the opposite — assume she’s “too old,” and stop playing altogether.
The key to recognizing the need to modify is to look at yourself objectively, as though you’re observing another person. If our tennis playing friend does this, she might observe, “When I’m on the court these days, my knees start to hurt almost immediately, and I no longer seem to have the speed I need to return cross-court volleys. And an hour of playing tires me out a lot more than it did a few years ago.” With that neutral assessment, it probably looks like it’s time to do some modification.
- Figure out your modification. Once you’ve decided you need to modify some aspect of your life, the next step is to figure out how to do it. This step might involve some research and experimentation. Our tennis player might realize that she very much likes getting out on a court with friends, and that the back-and-forth rhythm of tennis is something she loves. She could experiment with playing pickleball or padel to retain the things she most likes about tennis with less stress on her body. She might also research other related sports she might enjoy and that would have those same benefits. Finally, she could talk to other older tennis players who have modified their approach, to find out what has worked for them. Then, as she tries out some alternatives, she would need to observe her physical and emotional reactions with the same objective eye to see how they’re working.
- Get support or agreement. Getting others on board with your modifications can be anything from very easy (“Sure, I’d love to try pickleball — that sounds fun.”) to very challenging (“What? Not play tennis? Aren’t you being kind of a wimp?”). During this process, you’ll have to stay focused on and committed to what you need. It may mean holding your ground in some difficult conversations, or even finding new partners. But remember, you’re doing this to support your own aging process and to create the life you want.
- Be kind to yourself. Most of us can talk to ourselves in really negative ways when we’re trying to make a change — especially a change that’s a modification of a long-time habit. In fact, that negative reaction I noted above (“What? Not play tennis? Aren’t you being kind of a wimp?”) is just as likely to have happened inside your own head as to have come from someone else! If you find you’re having a negative internal monologue about a modification you’re making or planning to make; remember, you can talk back to yourself. You can say to yourself something like, “No, I’m actually being kind to myself, and helping assure I can stay active and fit throughout my life by not overdoing it.” Whenever that negative self-talk rears its unhelpful head, you can choose to respond with a more accurate and supportive thought.
I hope you’ve found this helpful, and if you’ve had experiences (positive or negative) of modifying aspects of your life as you age, I’d love to hear about them. Here’s to creating the lives we want, at any age…